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Today

As I lay here, suicidal, 
All I can think about is you.
Do you remember when you used to try to count my pills to make sure I didn’t overdose? Or even try to?
Or when I’d cry and you’d just rub my back and lay with me 
Or the thousands of questions? 
I hated the questions.
I hated when you couldn’t just let me cry. 
Or let me feel what I’m feeling. 
I didn’t greatly want to die,
I just wanted it to be over. 
All of it. 
But, none of it. 
I wanted to be able to breathe again and not feel the weight on my chest. 
I wanted to be able to love again without feeling like my love wasn’t enough 
I wanted to go out and do things without feeling like everything around me is too much. 
I wanted so much but I had so little to give 
But did I? 

Laura Soriano

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