Living

Every morning I wake up and have one moment of pure bliss
One very short moment of happiness
A moment where everything is the way it’s supposed to be
But then I remember

I remember every bad thing that has happened 

I remember that you’re gone 

I remember the reasons we broke up
I remember the stress from the night before
From a few weeks
Shit, from the future
I remember my trauma
Sometimes, I even have flashbacks
I remember that where I am at today is the result of my own choices
Choices I made based on the circumstance I was in
The head space
The pressure
The potential
Choices I made because I thought I knew what was best
I also remember the good moments
The happy-exciting-super fucking fabulous moments
And I smile
Then I cry
Because the pain is still there.
I can’t wait to wake up one morning and revel in the blissful moment
I can’t wait until that short moment because a long moment
Which then becomes a familiar feeling
And then before I know it,
The pain has subsided and I’m living again
I’m actually fucking living
I can’t wait to live again.
I just want to fucking live again


Renacidas Laura